"Ach! Hans, Run!"

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach Hans, run It's the . . ." and name a creature card. If you do, search your library for the named card, put it into play, then shuffle your library. That creature has haste. Remove it from the game at end of turn.

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may say "Ach! Hans, run! It's the . . ." and the name of a creature card. If you do, search your library for a card with that name, put it onto the battlefield, then shuffle. That creature gains haste. Exile it at the beginning of the next end step.

AWOL

Remove target attacking creature from the game. Then remove it from the removed-from-game zone and put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Exile target attacking creature. Then remove it from the game. Then put it into the absolutely-removed-from-the-freaking-game-forever zone.

Aesthetic Consultation

Name an artist. Remove the top six cards of your library from the game, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card by the named artist. Put that card in your hand, then remove all the other cards revealed this way from the game.

Choose an artist. Exile the top six cards of your library, then reveal cards from the top of your library until you reveal a card with art by the chosen artist. Put that card in your hand and exile all other cards revealed this way.

Ambiguity

Whenever a player plays a spell that counters a spell that has been played or a player plays a spell that comes into play with counters, that player may counter the next spell played or put an additional counter on a permanent that has already been played, but not countered.

PRICELESS PIC PILFERED Painting Found Abandoned in Graveyard Merfolk Decry Wizards' Treatment

Artful Looter

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent comes into play that shares an artist with another permanent you control, untap Artful Looter.

{T}: Draw a card, then discard a card.
Whenever a permanent that shares an artist with another permanent you control enters, untap Artful Looter.

Ass Whuppin'

Destroy target silver-bordered permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Destroy target silver-bordered or acorn permanent in any game you can see from your seat.

Who wants to see a picture of a big hairy ass?

Assquatch

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey comes into play, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Each other Donkey gets +1½/+1½.
Whenever another Donkey enters, untap target creature and gain control of it until end of turn. That creature gains haste until end of turn.

Isthay iecepay ofay avorflay exttay oesn'tday eallyray aysay anythingay.

Atinlay Igpay

Oubleday ikestray
Eneverwhay Atinlay Igpay's ontrollercay eaksspay ay onnay-Igpay-Atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Oubleday ikestray
Enwhay ouyay eakspay ay onnay-igpay-atinlay ordway, acrificesay Atinlay Igpay.

Avatar of Me

Avatar of Me costs {1} more to play for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me's color is the color of your eyes.

Avatar of Me is only the color of your eyes, not the color of your eyes and blue. That is, the color it gets from its last ability overrides the blue it gets from its mana cost.

If each of your eyes is a different color (naturally or via a single contact lens), Avatar of Me is both colors.

If you’re wearing colored contact lenses, Avatar of Me is whatever color your eyes appear to be. You can add or remove contact lenses to change your eye color in response to spells and abilities.

Silver-bordered rules include any conceivable eye color, not just the five traditional Magic colors. If your eye are hazel, Avatar of Me is hazel.

Thanks to Avatar of Me, if you’re asked to choose a color in a silver-bordered game, you can name any color. “That dreamy shade of blue found only in the sky on a perfect afternoon… and in your eyes” is acceptable, but a little weird.

This spell costs {1} more to cast for each ten years you've been alive.
Avatar of Me's power is equal to your height in feet and its toughness is equal to your American shoe size. Round to the nearest ½.
Avatar of Me is the color of your eyes.

B-I-N-G-O

Trample
Whenever a player plays a spell, put a chip counter on its converted mana cost.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

All nine rows count. You can fill rows horizontally, vertically, and diagonally. A full card with give B-I-N-G-O +72/+72.

Casting multiple spells with the same mana value has no additional benefit. Once a spot has a chip counter, it’s marked, and additional chip counters won’t do anything.

The counters are considered to be on the inherent tracker in B-I-N-G-O’s art, not on the creature itself. Those counters can’t be removed or moved to another permanent. Similarly, if you proliferate, you can’t add more chip counters to B-I-N-G-O.

Trample
Whenever a player casts a spell, put a chip counter on its mana value.
B-I-N-G-O gets +9/+9 for each set of three numbers in a row with chip counters on them.

He wanders the land in search of Good Ass.

Bad Ass

Blast from the Past

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to target creature or player.
If the kicker cost was paid, put a 1/1 red Goblin creature token into play.

Flashback and buyback don't mix. If you cast Blast from the Past using flashback, it will be exiled rather than go back to your hand.

Flashback and kicker do mix. You can pay the kicker cost in addition to the flashback cost to get the extra Goblin token.

If you cycle Blast from the Past, you can then use madness to cast it. If you cast Blast from the Past using madness, you may also pay for kicker or buyback.

A card with madness that's discarded counts as having been discarded even though it's put into exile rather than a graveyard. If it was discarded to pay a cost, that cost is still paid. Abilities that trigger when a card is discarded will still trigger.

A spell cast for its madness cost is put onto the stack like any other spell. It can be countered, copied, and so on. As it resolves, it's put onto the battlefield if it's a permanent card or into its owner's graveyard if it's an instant or sorcery card.

Cards are discarded in a Magic game only from a player's hand. Effects that put cards into a player's graveyard from anywhere else do not cause those cards to be discarded.

Casting a spell with madness ignores the timing rules based on the card's card type. For example, you can cast a sorcery with madness if you discard it during an opponent's turn.

If you choose not to cast a card with madness when the madness triggered ability resolves, it's put into your graveyard. Madness doesn't give you another chance to cast it later.

If you discard a card with madness to pay the cost of a spell or activated ability, that card's madness triggered ability (and the spell that card becomes, if you choose to cast it) will resolve before the spell or ability the discard paid for.

If you discard a card with madness while a spell or ability is resolving, it moves immediately to exile. Continue resolving that spell or ability, noting that the card you discarded is not in your graveyard at this time. Its madness triggered ability will be placed onto the stack once that spell or ability has completely resolved.

Madness works independently of why you're discarding the card. You could discard it to pay a cost, because a spell or ability tells you to, or because you have too many cards in your hand during your cleanup step. You can't discard a card with madness just because you want to, though.

To determine the total cost of a spell, start with the mana cost or alternative cost (such as a madness cost) you're paying, add any cost increases, then apply any cost reductions. The mana value of the spell is determined by only its mana cost, no matter what the total cost to cast that spell was.

Madness {R}, cycling {1}{R}, kicker {2}{R}, flashback {3}{R}, buyback {4}{R}
Blast from the Past deals 2 damage to any target. If this spell was kicked, create a 1/1 red Goblin creature token.

"That's not really an A. It's an Æ. They changed it! Wait, don't—"
—Hœbrus Væm, Aerathi librarian, last words

Bloodletter

When the names of three or more nonland permanents begin with the same letter, sacrifice Bloodletter. If you do, it deals 2 damage to each creature and each player.

This card recieved errata for its flavor text on Gatherer: http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=73979

Booster Tutor

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of those cards into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

You can open booster packs that contain cards not legal in the format you’re playing.

You can use any sealed Magic booster pack, including promo packs. As long as it hasn’t previously been opened and you don’t know the contents beforehand, you’re good.

Open a sealed Magic booster pack, reveal the cards, and put one of them into your hand. (Remove that card from your deck before beginning a new game.)

"Step 1: I believe in a power and toughness greater than myself . . . ."

Bosom Buddy

Whenever you play a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Whenever you cast a spell, you may gain ½ life for each word in that spell's name.

Brushstroke Paintermage

{T}: Target permanent's artist becomes the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Like thousands of others, the beebles quit Magic for several years following the release of the *Mercadian Masques* set.

Bursting Beebles

Bursting Beebles is unblockable as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Bursting Beebles can't be blocked as long as defending player controls two or more nonland permanents that share an artist.

Cardpecker

Flying
Gotcha Whenever an opponent touches the table with his or her hand, you may say "Gotcha" If you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Flying
Gotcha — If an opponent touches the table with their hand, you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Cardpecker from your graveyard to your hand.

Carnivorous Death-Parrot

Flying
At the beginning of your upkeep, sacrifice Carnivorous Death-Parrot unless you say its flavor text.

You must say the flavor text out loud or use a comparable method of communicating. For example, sign language is allowed, but if you sign the flavor text, you are considered to have spoken. Goblin Mime will notice.

And you thought Yawgmoth drove a hard bargain.

Cheap Ass

Cheatyface

You may sneak Cheatyface into play at any time without paying for it, but if an opponent catches you right away, that player may remove Cheatyface from the game.
Flying

You must legally get Cheatyface into your hand before you can attempt to sneak it onto the battlefield. For example, you can’t sneak it in from your sideboard or collection during a game.

If Cheatyface is in your hand, you may sneak Cheatyface onto the battlefield. If an opponent catches you right away, that player may exile Cheatyface.
Flying

Circle of Protection: Art

As Circle of Protection: Art comes into play, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

As Circle of Protection: Art enters, choose an artist.
{1}{W}: The next time a source of your choice with art by the chosen artist would deal damage to you this turn, prevent that damage.
{1}{W}: Return Circle of Protection: Art to its owner's hand.

City of Ass

City of Ass comes into play tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color to your mana pool.

City of Ass enters tapped.
{T}: Add one and one-half mana of any one color.

Collector Protector

{W}, Give an opponent a nonland card you own from outside the game: Prevent the next 1 damage that would be dealt to you or Collector Protector this turn.

There once was a player named Quinn, . . .

Creature Guy

Gotcha Whenever an opponent says "Creature" or "Guy," you may say "Gotcha" If you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Gotcha — If an opponent says "creature" or "guy," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Creature Guy from your graveyard to your hand.

Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature

Trample
When this creature dies, return Curse of the Fire Penguin to the battlefield.

Curse of the Fire Penquin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.
-----
Creature Penguin
Trample
When this creature is put into a graveyard from play, return Curse of the Fire Penguin from your graveyard to play.
6/5

Enchant creature
Curse of the Fire Penguin consumes and confuses enchanted creature.

Deal Damage

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to target creature or player.
Gotcha Whenever an opponent says "Deal" or "Damage," you may say "Gotcha" If you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Deal Damage deals 4 damage to any target.
Gotcha — If an opponent says "deal" or "damage," you may say "Gotcha!" When you do, return Deal Damage from your graveyard to your hand.

Players that don't read flavor text aren't too bright, sorta smell, and dress funny. But let's just keep this between us, okay? They can get kind of violent.

Double Header

Flying
When Double Header comes into play, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

Flying
When Double Header enters, you may return target permanent with a two-word name to its owner's hand.

"My Pete Venters theme deck is nearly complete. Then I shall be unstoppable! Bwahahahaaa!"
—Pete Venters

Drawn Together

As Drawn Together comes into play, choose an artist.
Creatures by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

As Drawn Together enters, choose an artist.
Creatures with art by the chosen artist get +2/+2.

Will players understand that the creature is being crushed by two parentheses? Not a chance.

Destroy target creature with reminder text. (Reminder text is any italicized text in parentheses that explains rules you already know.)

Duh can target a creature token only if the object you’re using to represent the token has reminder text, even if it’s a copy of a creature with reminder text.

Look at the actual creature you’re hoping to destroy to see if it has reminder text. Its Oracle text doesn’t matter for this purpose. It also doesn’t matter if another printing of the creature has (or doesn’t have) reminder text.

Envying the intelligence of goblins is a bad place to be.

Dumb Ass

At the beginning of your upkeep, flip a coin. If you lose the flip, target opponent chooses whether Dumb Ass attacks this turn.

The party was going strong for nearly an hour past midnight—then all of a sudden it just petered out.

Elvish House Party

Elvish House Party's power and toughness are each equal to the current hour, using the twelve-hour system.

The ogre appealed the match loss and got it downgraded to a warning.

Emcee

Whenever another creature comes into play, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Emcee's ability will trigger whenever a creature enters the battlefield under an opponent's control. You choose whether you announce its arrival or not.

If you are unable to use a deep, booming voice, you are free to make accommodations in the spirit of Emcee. Sign overly dramatically, for example.

If you control more than one Emcee, each ability triggers separately. You have to announce the creature's entrance each time. Okay, you can just stay standing if you want.

You may add in nicknames for the creatures you announce, but you must also get the creature's actual name in there to count. For example, "Gary, the Gray Merchant of Asphodel" is fine, but simply "Gary" wouldn't work.

Whenever another creature enters, you may stand up and say in a deep, booming voice, "Presenting . . . " and that creature's name. If you do, put a +1/+1 counter on that creature.

Enter the Dungeon

Players play a Magic subgame under the table starting at 5 life, using their libraries as their decks. After the subgame ends, the winner searches his or her library for two cards, puts those cards into his or her hand, then shuffles his or her library.

If Enter the Dungeon is cast during a subgame, a sub-subgame begins, preferably under a new, smaller table, but do what you can. The winner of the sub-sub game would search their subgame library for two cards.

Players play a Magic subgame under the table, starting at 5 life and using their libraries as their decks. The winner searches their library for two cards, puts those cards into their hand, then shuffles.

Synonyms for "erase" we haven't used: ablate, a̶b̶r̶a̶d̶e̶, chafe, fray, f̶r̶a̶z̶z̶l̶e̶, scuff, and scrub.

Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One)

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may play Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One) without paying its mana cost.
Remove target enchantment from the game.

This card recieved errata for its flavor text on Gatherer: http://gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Card/Details.aspx?multiverseid=74275

If you control two or more white permanents that share an artist, you may cast this spell without paying its mana cost.
Exile target enchantment.

True, Gargox had blinded himself for life, but the glass eyes never lost.

Eye to Eye

You and target creature's controller have a staring contest. If you win, destroy that creature.

Befuddled by this new game, Argg longed for the days of Rock, Rock, Rock.

Face to Face

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that opponent.

You and target opponent play a best two-out-of-three Rock, Paper, Scissors match. If you win, Face to Face deals 5 damage to that player.

Farewell to Arms

As Farewell to Arms comes into play, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards his or her hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

As Farewell to Arms enters, choose a hand attached to an opponent's arm.
When the chosen hand isn't behind its owner's back, sacrifice Farewell to Arms. If you do, that player discards their hand . . . of cards. (The lawyers wouldn't let us do it the other way.)

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Cranford, After careful analysis of Jeremy's vocational testing, I feel that he is best suited for a career in either torture or art direction.

Fascist Art Director

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn..

{W}{W}: Fascist Art Director gains protection from the artist of your choice until end of turn.

Our lawyers say no matter how funny it would be, we can't encourage players to eat the cards. Hear that? Whatever you do, *don't* eat the delicious cards.

Fat Ass

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Food is in your mouth and you're chewing, licking, sucking, or swallowing it.)

Fat Ass gets +2/+2 and has trample as long as you're eating. (Gum isn't food. We checked.)

Yotian soldiers hoped that one day R&D would make an artifact creature whose name starts with Z. And in their dreams, it's a 4/1.

First Come, First Served

The attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number has first strike. If two or more creatures are tied, they all have first strike.

Each attacking or blocking creature with the lowest collector number among attacking or blocking creatures has first strike.

"Don't worry about it. It happens to every mage sooner or later."

Flaccify

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}.

Counter target spell unless its controller pays {3}{½}.

Forest

Form of the Squirrel

As Form of the Squirrel comes into play, put a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token into play. You lose the game when it leaves play.
Creatures can't attack you.
You can't be the target of spells or abilities.
You can't play spells.

As Form of the Squirrel enters, create a 1/1 green Squirrel creature token. You lose the game when that creature leaves the battlefield.
Creatures can't attack you.
You have shroud.
You can't cast spells.

Bitten by radioactive beebles in a freak algebra accident, young Ricky Robertson discovered he'd gained the ability to harness the awesome power of fractions!

Fraction Jackson

{G}, {T}: Return target card with a ½ on it from your graveyard to your hand.

Who knew an 8˝ by 10˝ could feel like a 2˝ by 4˝?

Framed!

Tap or untap all permanents by the artist of your choice.

Choose an artist. Tap all untapped permanents with art by that artist or untap all tapped permanents with art by that artist.

Don't cross him or you'll end up sleeping with the merfolk.

Frankie Peanuts

At the beginning of your upkeep, you may ask target player a yes-or-no question. If you do, that player answers the question truthfully and abides by that answer if able until end of turn.

Frankie Peanuts hates snitches, but he detests unsporting conduct. Keep your questions appropriate for your game and its surroundings.

If you’re the player answering the yes-or-no question, you must abide by your answer if able. For example, if you are asked “Is the Slaying Mantis you control going to attack on your next turn?” and you say yes, then it must attack if able. However, if it’s tapped as you declare attackers that turn, then you aren’t able to attack with it, and you don’t have to abide by your answer.

Frazzled Editor

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of text in its text box.)

Protection from wordy (Something is wordy if it has four or more lines of rules text.)

Help us . . . R&D under mental domination of alien brain in jar . . . only chance . . . Gleemax's blatant disregard for flavor text . . . send help!

Gleemax

You choose all targets for all spells and abilities.

Gluetius Maximus

As Gluetius Maximus comes into play, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

As Gluetius Maximus enters, an opponent chooses one of your fingers. (Thumbs are fingers, too.)
When the chosen finger isn't touching Gluetius Maximus, sacrifice Gluetius Maximus.

Pretending to be inside an invisible box was easy enough for Brug. It was finding the invisible door that caused him problems.

Goblin Mime

They put the "special" in special weapons and tactics.

Goblin S.W.A.T. Team

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Play this ability only once each turn.

Say "Goblin S.W.A.T. Team": Put a +1/+1 counter on Goblin S.W.A.T. Team unless an opponent swats the table within five seconds. Activate only once each turn.

SECRET AGENT
PD042198
LICENSE TO BE KILLED

Goblin Secret Agent

First strike
At the beginning of your upkeep, reveal a card from your hand at random.

Card (173)	Type	^{$77.03 (1493.37)} Price
"Ach! Hans, Run!" - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$2.00 ^(16.00)
AWOL - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(2.02)
AWOL - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Aesthetic Consultation - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.08 ^(24.08)
Aesthetic Consultation - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Ambiguity - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.15 ^(5.15)
Artful Looter - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.50)
Ass Whuppin' - silver - 2003	Sorcery	$0.15 ^(4.15)
Assquatch - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.75 ^(16.75)
Atinlay Igpay - silver - 2003		$0.02 ^(2.02)
Avatar of Me - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.15 ^(6.65)
B-I-N-G-O - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.15 ^(14.15)
Bad Ass - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(3.02)
Bad Ass - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Blast from the Past - silver - 1997	Instant	$0.15 ^(28.15)
Blast from the Past - silver - 1997	Instant	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Bloodletter - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.52)
Booster Tutor - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.75 ^(12.75)
Bosom Buddy - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.77)
Brushstroke Paintermage - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.07)
Bursting Beebles - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(2.02)
Cardpecker - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(1.52)
Cardpecker - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Carnivorous Death-Parrot - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(4.00)
Cheap Ass - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(5.02)
Cheatyface - silver - 2003	Creature	$1.50 ^(6.50)
Circle of Protection: Art - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.02 ^(4.02)
City of Ass - silver - 2003	Land	$14.00 ^(109.00)
Collector Protector - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.08 ^(4.08)
Creature Guy - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.52)
Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.15 ^(0.00)
Curse of the Fire Penguin // Curse of the Fire Penguin Creature - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Deal Damage - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(5.02)
Double Header - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.52)
Drawn Together - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.08 ^(6.58)
Duh - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(1.52)
Dumb Ass - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(7.02)
Elvish House Party - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(0.17)
Emcee - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(2.52)
Emcee - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Enter the Dungeon - silver - 2003	Sorcery	$0.15 ^(9.15)
Erase (Not the Urza's Legacy One) - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(0.07)
Eye to Eye - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(5.02)
Face to Face - silver - 2003	Sorcery	$0.05 ^(0.80)
Farewell to Arms - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.02 ^(2.02)
Farewell to Arms - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.00 ^(0.00)
Fascist Art Director - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(2.02)
Fat Ass - silver - 2003	Creature	$0.02 ^(7.52)
First Come, First Served - silver - 2003	Enchantment	$0.02 ^(0.52)
Flaccify - silver - 2003	Instant	$0.02 ^(5.02)

Unhinged